Yesterday the reports were to come. I had an appointment with the doctor to discuss them. I arrived there 10 minutes early and was waiting outside.
My turn came. I entered the physician’s room. The doctor was standing 15-20 meters away from the door. He was reading a report. I started walking towards him and while I was at a distance of 5m he announced I had lung cancer. Yes, lung cancer.
For some period of time I did not know what to say. I looked down at the floor. After a moment I looked up to enquire. Before I did it, the doctor said – “you have 2 weeks left”.
I was taken aback. I asked him, if there is something else I can do, like some other tests or consult other doctors somewhere else. He said – ‘Go home’.
I left.
I had quit my job to pursue my dreams. I had some savings left, but now I was feeling sad that I hadn’t withdrawn my PF yet, for it takes over month to credit to my account and I don’t have enough time to use that money.
I was sad that I am left with so much to write, about my childhood experiences. There is so much to write but so less time. Anyway I decided that I will write at least 2 childhood stories every day. But then, the fear, what if I am unable to complete?
I felt bad that I have not yet learnt to play music and now the time is too less to learn anything.
I was glad that I have been practicing yoga and meditation for I believe it would contribute in increasing my life span a little bit.
I had recently become lean and I was crediting them to my experiments. Though I never had any coughs or breathing problems and nor do I smoke, I had sensed some problems in my stomach. I cursed myself for ignoring the symptoms.
I can still go to another doctor and get it checked once again. May be the reports might have been mixed up. I was on my toes to go and talk to my yoga teacher for he had contacts with good doctors. And I believe he could give me some tips for making it easier on me.
I do not have a job and I’ve postponing getting a health insurance done too and now I was worried how am I going to manage the expenses if at all there is a treatment available and my savings aren’t enough.
I was also scared about how it is going to end. It was a lung cancer and I was wondering if I will find it difficult to breathe in the end.
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My head was lying on my elbow and I slowly lifted myself. Even though the fan was switched on and running I found my forehead wet with sweat. I check the time – it was 0517AM. I try to recall the hospital that I visited but I can’t. Well, it wasn’t a reality but a dream. Some of you might be mad at me for explaining my dream this way. It wasn’t my intent to scare you. Apologies. My intent was to communicate the fear that I felt when I woke up today morning. I seldom remember dreams and I find it uncanny that I could recall this dream in such great detail.
Honestly I don’t know if I will stay alive for 2 more weeks, or even tomorrow. Nobody knows. From all the evidence that we have right now, it looks like it is just one chance that each of us have. And in spite of all these facts in front of me I find myself lost sometimes. I need reminders to come back. Reminders to prioritize what is truly important. And this dream was one. The horror was difficult to take in. Well, how hard it is to believe that we are all mortals?
I got the reminder – this is the news I wanted to share.
Fear less, hope more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; love more, & all good things will be yours.
~Swedish proverb
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I wish you a very happy 2013.
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Cheers!
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Ha ha dude this is a nice one. Had been following your blog for a while as of now and I for a moment believed and thought ‘damn!! why should only people with death on their back do crazy stuff and live the life every other dream to live of’. Actually it was disappointing since I am planning for an year break and I have not been diagnosed of any terminal disease
Ha ha
Sorry about your disappointment 
I wish you good luck with your break buddy! Keep in touch man.
Goodness me!
I had tears in my eyes by the time i reached the last part.
On the lighter side you made me remember my worst nightmares though
Sorry Tejaswi. Me too had tears when I woke up from it. Just wanted to share.
Have a great year ahead man !
My heart was definitely beating faster till you started to mention the clock!
Eye opener for sure but dear ones will definitely be mad at your way of narration. Me included. Happy new year you too.
Apologies buddy.
Baddimagne,
I was shocked! Without even completing 40% of the post, I was about to call you. Nice.. Not the scary news but the writeup.
Sorry to shock you Pummy.
Dude.. come on man.. i was in utter shock.. add it to your previous post “Thanks for listening” for a moment everything was supporting what you said in the early paragraphs of this post.. Scariest post from you till date
Sorry bro
I was getting these kind of dreams initially when i quit a dream company.. dreams where i am falling off a mountain
.. but that was because somewhere i was worried about whether i will be able to achieve i want to.. i was worried that too many people are judging me right now and if i dont get what i want i will make a fool of myself.. i was regretting some part of the decision i took.. but its a kind of knee jerk reaction of our brain i think.. its a survival instinct kind of thing.. it doesn’t help.. And dude i hope you too are not regretting the decision what you took.. trust me i have been in that situation and it doesn’t help..(it actually affected me a bit.. performance anxiety 
) be strong dude.. dont make the same mistake as me.. you are capable of pulling off what you want to achieve.. be focused only on your life.. dont give a shit to what naysayers say.. remember ratan tata’s statement ” i dont take right decisions.. i take decisions and make them right”
You have been very supportive bro. Really appreciate it dude
Thanks for reminding me of the Tata’s words.
Sorry bro! I don’t have words of appreciation for this article. My heart is still struggling to gain back it’s normal pulse.
I wish you have a long life to fulfill all your dreams.
[...] deepest apologies for the hard time I gave you in my previous post. There was no fun intended there. If you had a hard time or were shocked, then my purpose of [...]
Man, u scared the hell out of me, but then I told my brother alongside that I am predicting some twist at the end !
Sorry Rocky!
Loafer ..You need a drink da!!!
lol
Btw nice thrilling melodrama script for climax in a KJ movie..
Dude,
It was a Randy pausch moment for a while.. I guess you know abt him already. Incase you didn’t know… (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Randy_Pausch)
Happy new year. Keep writing. Good luck
Happy new year to you too. Keep in touch!
I knew this was a fake story when I saw the doctor saying “Go home.” It was further confirmed when I read you worried about not taking out PF money.
You better improve your writing abilities!
Hehe.. I’ll try my best
However the dream wasn’t fake.